


thinking of you as i’m falling

by b4by_h0tl1n3



Series: you used to have me paralyzed (so here i go again) [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Bruises, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Literal Sleeping Together, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), Nonbinary Character, Nonverbal Communication, Other, Post-Canon, Scars, Sharing Clothes, Tommy is only briefly mentioned but I love him to bits, Touch-Starved, hand holding, its not at all graphic don’t worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25815244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b4by_h0tl1n3/pseuds/b4by_h0tl1n3
Summary: With an old purple minivan in his driveway, his employer at his door, and a mysterious body dropped on his doorstep, Gordon’s in for an unexpected surprise.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: you used to have me paralyzed (so here i go again) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903141
Comments: 26
Kudos: 367





	thinking of you as i’m falling

**Author's Note:**

> hi. i’m spazzie/eli/bennie and I’ve been leaving comments as Harold for this fandom hehe
> 
> this is my first time writing for this fandom and also me being brave and publishing my writing for once (i get anxious)  
> i hope you enjoy <3 :)
> 
> NOTE: please do not interact with this fic if you actively write or consume nsfw content for HLVRAI! ‘I’d rather you didn’t’ equals ‘no!’ 
> 
> (title from Paralyzed by Majik)

Gordon was woken by a loud knocking on the front door. Assuming it was just a delivery, he flopped over and tried to fall back asleep. 

The sound only grew louder. He covered his ears with his pillow and prayed that whoever was at the door would just give up and leave him alone.

The third time, he groaned and slid out of bed and into his slippers. 

“This better be important.” He grumbled, pulling his old bathrobe over his shoulders. 

Unlocking the door and swinging it open with tired carelessness, Gordon was not expecting the father of a certain soda-loving friend of his. 

“Mr. Coolatta…” he mumbled, struggling to hide the shock on his face. 

“Greetings, Mr. Freeman. I-”

“Listen, man,” he sighed, cutting him off, “it’s one in the morning. My brain- my brain isn’t gonna be wired to think properly until at least five.

“I’ve come to you because a friend was in danger. Come on, bring them out.”

Mr. Coolatta turned towards the bright purple minivan parked outside, and two guards opened the side door to reveal a limp body. They grabbed the figure by the elbows and slowly dragged them up to the doorstep. The closer they grew, the more he noticed the person was trembling, the hood of their jacket pulled over their head to obscure their face.

He bit his lip, practically terrified. ‘What the fuck?’ was all his mind could come up with.

They were dropped on the ground as he continued. 

“The facility branded them as a failure. Too much of an oddity to pass, I suppose. I must say I’m not a fan of them, but…” he stiffened a bit and continued, “my son would never forgive me should the worst happen to them. Watch over them for his sake, if not mine, please.” 

He could only nod, eyeing the body curled up tight in the chill of the fall night. 

“I should warn you, they are extremely fragile at the moment. They’ve been through a lot tonight, with the ‘reparations’, escape, and all.” 

The tall man turned away, only casting a glance at the figure on the ground before waving a short goodbye and disappearing into the night. 

First things first, he needed to see who exactly the body belonged to. They were a bit shorter than him, and more wiry as well. 

Squatting down beside them, he saw them shrink away from him with a whimper. 

“H-hey,” he said, trying not to scare them further, “it’s just me. It’s just Gordon.” 

They seemed to relax a little but were practically vibrating with anxiety. 

“Can I, uh, pull your hood down? Or get you inside where it’s warmer, I guess?” They nodded shakily, and he swore he heard a sniffle. 

Placing a hand on their back, he leaned in closer. In a slow, deliberate motion, he tugged the hood off of their head. He was greeted by a mane of long, jet-black hair sticking out every which-way. 

He offered a few reassuring pats to their back as to say ‘thank you for trusting me.’ 

They rolled over on their own, revealing an all-too-familiar face. He stared blankly at the being who had tried to kill him and his friends. They sported a painful-looking shiner around their left eye and many bruises covered their pale skin. As much as he disliked them, the red grip marks around their neck infuriated him to no end. 

He was lucky to have quit when he did, but he couldn’t help but feel awful for his… acquaintance. 

After shifting so that he could sit down, he carefully pulled Benrey into his arms. 

That action broke the dam, as the guard began to hiccup and sob into his shoulder. Sweet-smelling golden orbs began to fill the air around them, and Gordon felt them bury their head in the crook of his neck. 

{Honey means ‘I’m sorry.’ }

Gordon found himself wanting to kiss every blemish on their skin better, and hold them until they could tease him again… no. He just wanted to make sure they were safe.

Storing those thoughts in a locked box in his mind, he began to wipe away their inky-black tears with the sleeve of his bathrobe. He knew it was going to stain, but he was so caught up in comforting them that he didn’t mind. 

“I gotcha. I gotcha, bud.” 

He got up, easily lifting them off of the ground. They were feather-light in his grip, and Gordon knew Benrey was wordlessly telling him ‘I trust you.’ That, or they had given up entirely without a fight, which was incredibly concerning. He prayed it was the former. 

The warmer air of the house must have felt good because they all but melted in his arms. Setting them down on the couch, he watched Benrey turn to lay on their side, idly letting their dangling hand noclip through the leather. 

“Do you need anything?” 

They only shrugged, trying to soak their tears up with the sleeve of their hoodie. 

“Something to eat? A glass of water? Hell, even a bath? Or you can get some rest.” 

Benrey shrugged again, pulling their knees to their chest. 

“How about this? Give me one orb for food, two for water, three for bath, four for sleep.” 

Peering over the back of the couch, he counted two pink orbs. 

Gordon flicked the kitchen lights on and gathered a spill-proof cup of water and some saltines. It didn’t seem like they had much of an appetite at the moment, but it would be good for them to have something in their system. 

“I’m back. Brought you some stuff; crackers and room-temperature water aren’t much, but you can have as much as you need.” 

They gratefully took both and sat up to chug the contents of the glass. 

“Hey, as long as you’re sitting up, have a few crackers. Get something in your stomach so you don’t end up sick from hunger.”

They stared at him, reaching for the bowl and shoveling a few saltines into their mouth all while maintaining eye contact.

“Alright. Good job, Benrey.”

He saw the tips of their ears grow a bit blue from the praise but decided against pointing it out.

“So, I’m gonna need you to take off your shirt…”

They shook their head adamantly, pulling their hood over their head. 

“It’ll be quick, I promise. I just need to make sure there aren’t any medical emergencies over here.” 

A trail of green and gold surrounded Benrey, their eyes nervously darting across the room.

{Green to gold means ‘uncomfortable.’}

“What can I do to help?” Gordon asked, taking a clawed hand in his own. 

They looked away, embarrassed. 

“Would it help if we did it in the bathroom? I remember open spaces weren’t exactly your favorite.”

They nodded shakily, letting Gordon lead them to the bathroom, and shutting the door behind them. 

“I’ll turn away so you can have a moment to get situated, okay, bud?” Receiving a low hum from the other, he turned around to face the door. 

He heard something, likely Benrey’s kevlar security vest, fall to the ground with a heavy thunk. It was slightly reassuring to know that they had had some protection with them. 

Tugging their shirt off with a sigh, they proceeded to quickly toss it aside and tap on the counter to get Gordon’s attention. Their hands quickly flew to cover the back of their right shoulder, puzzling him. 

“What’s up… oh.” 

His voice fizzled out as soon as he noticed the barcode and ID number that seemed to be branded into their skin. 

B3NR3Y-375.

Gordon’s heart physically ached; he had heard about the test subjects, but had no idea how terrible things truly were. Their upper body was striped and spotted with various scars, some clean and surgical, others brutal and jagged.

“Can I touch you?” He asked quietly, and the other nodded.

“Alright.” Gordon murmured, splaying a hand out between their shoulder blades. They shuddered, and he felt their breath hitch. 

“Is this okay? For you, I mean. I can stop if you want me to.” Benrey leaned into his hand, and he slowly wrapped an arm around their waist to steady them. 

“You had the vest on underneath, and thank God for that. You could’ve had cracked ribs or worse. Fortunately, there’s only minimal bruising here.” 

He let the guard go to turn them around so he could get a good view of their chest. He noticed them fidgeting with their hands and frowned. 

“I’m sorry if this is making you uncomfortable. I just need to check for anything that would warrant a trip to the ER.” 

After a moment, he pressed a freezing metal hand to their chest, but before he could speak, they pushed him back. 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry about that. Must’ve been cold.” He replaced his right hand with his left and sighed. 

“Take a deep breath for me please?” He asked, and they silently obeyed. 

“Good. Now release.” Benrey exhaled, closing their eyes. 

“Alright. Could you do it again so I can be sure there isn’t any major damage?” 

Following his instructions, they sucked in another large breath. He patted their shoulder and offered a small smile for a job well done. 

Afterwards, they stood unmoving for a moment, then yawned. He found himself doing the same seconds later. 

“You can put your shirt back on now. Or, wait, lemme get you something to sleep in.” 

Returning with a pair of sweatpants and an old MIT shirt, he tossed the clothes to them. 

“You can shower in the morning if you want, since you look wiped out. Must’ve been a long day for you.” 

Benrey winced at the word ‘shower’ and proceeded to stare at the tile floor like it was the most interesting thing they’d ever seen. 

“Shouldn’t have brought that up, I guess. That’s on me.” 

Spotting dark trails and a bit of blood on both sides of their face, Gordon set a hand on their shoulder. 

“Hold on, man. You’ve got some crap on your face.” 

He tore himself a paper towel and ran it under the sink until it was damp. 

“Just hold still.” He mumbled, cupping their cheek with his free hand. 

As soon as he pressed the paper towel to their face, they recoiled from the coolness. 

“It’ll just take a sec.” He said, giving them a moment to regain their composure. 

Carefully wiping away the tear streaks and grime, Gordon felt them nuzzle into his hand, leaving him at a loss for words. He hummed a little tune to himself as he scrubbed at a particularly tough patch of blue. 

He then tossed the paper towel in the trash and ruffled their hair as a ‘thank you.’ He wanted them to know that two could play the overly-affectionate game. Benrey seemed to really enjoy the contact though, judging by the soft sparkle in their eyes. 

“Okay, get changed, bud. Meet me in my room just down the hall when you’re done.” 

They nodded and proceeded to close the door. 

Heading off to change in his room, Gordon hoped that what he’d done had been enough for them to feel safe and comfortable. 

They returned after a few minutes with his shirt slipping down to reveal the pale skin of their collarbone. He felt his brain short-circuit, only seeing one word in his mind; ‘cute.’ 

Rubbing their eyes with the back of their hand, they stood awkwardly in the doorway. 

“Come on over here, and I’ll get you some bedding.” 

Benrey padded over to him and was met by the fluffy fabric of a warm blanket. He tossed them a pillow, which they completely missed catching. 

“You can sleep on the couch in the living room, or you can stay in here with me. I have some spare nightlights in the closet, in case you don’t wanna sleep in the dark. If I’m asleep and you need anything else, you can just wake me up.” 

Gordon set his glasses on the nightstand and turned out the lights. Lifting up the sheets, he slid into bed with a sigh. He wasn’t expecting the other side of the bed to dip down as the guard slowly climbed in beside him.

Benrey’s glowing blue eyes seemed slightly brighter than when he had first seen them, and he took that as a good sign. 

Closing his eyes, he barely had time to react when they suddenly snuggled up to him. He rolled over to see the nervous face of the inhuman guard he had once dreaded. 

“It’s alright if you want to get comfy over here with me, but don’t you dare say anything like ‘that’s gay,’ or something in the morning.” They held up a hand as if to say ‘scout’s honor’. 

He removed his prosthetic arm, wincing slightly at the loss of sensation. Benrey was immediately at his side, concerned. 

“No, it’s fine. Just feels weird, is all.” 

They reached over to touch the stump of his right arm, the glow of their eyes illuminating the frown on their face. “I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

They continued to stare, and he knew those deep blue eyes were full of guilt. Lifting his hand over their head, he plunged it into a mess of soft black fluff. He swore Gordon heard a purr from the other, who easily relaxed into his touch. Gently combing through their hair with his fingers, he hummed a song he had heard on the radio earlier that day. 

He continued to play with their hair until their breathing evened out and he was certain they were asleep. A few pale pink and gray orbs leaked from their mouth, and he quickly grabbed his phone from the nightstand. 

He snapped a picture of them asleep with the lights and sent it to Tommy for decoding. He received a response in seconds, to which he was both confused and grateful. 

{Soft pink to dove means ‘I’m in love.’}

His heart rate most definitely picked up after receiving his translation, thumping hard against his chest. 

Exhausted from the many events of the past couple of hours, Gordon tossed his phone back and sighed. He couldn’t help but smile at their peaceful expression, lost deep in sleep. 

He would never admit it, but he worried constantly about Benrey post-game. The thought of them lost forever hurt in a way he could never properly describe, but tore at his mind near-daily.

Benrey was safe. Gordon was safe. The Science Team was safe. Joshua was safe. There was nothing to worry about.

“Goodnight, Benrey.” He whispered. Without thinking, he pressed a gentle kiss to their forehead and closed his eyes for the night. 

He could deal with this in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> feel free to leave a comment down below if you enjoyed or if you’re just in a comment-y mood! there’s always room for improvement here!


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